So you’re in the dating market and you are looking to go out with him/her? First of all, let me help you take the anxiety out of the equation by saying it again, “dating is not a game”. I know society has made it seem that way for a long time. We think we have to come into or create a situation where we either put on a mask, lie, present false impressions, or just pure manipulation.

Are you a board game? Are you a pawn in a chess game? The answer is up to you and the person you are connecting with. One of you or both of you could have the wrong understanding about dating. One of you could just be looking to date casually with no expectations. One of you could be looking totally for superficial things like physical intercourse with no intent to commit. One of you could be looking for the real thing, which is true intimacy (close bonding) in a relationship that is focused on love for life (marriage).

There are a lot of misconceptions, perceptions, ideals, and motives out there. There are a lot of people giving you bad advice who call themselves friends, experts etc., whom are not in a healthy relationship nor a healthy marriage themselves. Why are you listening to them? How do you avoid these pitfalls and stay away from confusion and heartbreak Ave.? You need to have clear standards and know why you have them and why you will stay grounded in them. You need to know why you are dating and what you are focusing on accomplishing.

Dating is an interview! What does this mean? Dating is viewed by most as a competition or a blindside, as if we are to compete to see which one of us has the best game strategy. Dating is not meant to be a situation where we seek to mislead or trick the other person for our own selfish benefit or temporary pleasure. Dating is supposed to be casual and kept in a setting where we are (interviewing) getting to know each other with honest conversation to see if we have the same motive and if I even like what I’m experiencing to see if I even want to finish this date or ever go out on another with you. You don’t need each others life story here, as those things will come in over time. You don’t ask questions like a detective. You should just focus on real conversation with honest legitimate intentions that should be made known upfront.

It’s not about getting an advantage or one-up each other to win some deceptive competition and then run away and say you got them before they got you. You both lose in this type of foolish child-play which will only cause more damage emotionally and psychologically and keep you in a dysfunctional dating cycle. Just keep it simple, have fun, and remember it’s an interview. If you are just looking for something physical, you totally misunderstand dating. That is the difference in playing games and actually finding something real and ultimately priceless. stay away from the deceptive physical things and focus on getting to know what and who is interviewing to have time in your life. Don’t play games with your reality. Everything is about relationship, build them well!

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© 2019 Harlon Bell.