When two people get married, the two are to now become “One”.  As we can see from our divorce rate statistics, this is a challenge to over half of those who get married, as well as those who remain until death do us part.  It’s interesting and tragic how we can plan months or years for a wedding while spending thousands of dollars for one day plus sometimes a honeymoon, only to neglect planning for marriage and unity.

 It’s not hard to get married, but it takes 100% effort from both people to have a great marriage.  For example: before you got married did you talk about what money would be left to start your lives with after the wedding bill was paid, if he or the two of you paid for it?  I know ladies deserve and love to have a beautiful dream wedding with all the trimmings.  sometimes ladies want this even though they know their father or the groom may be spending all they have saved up for this thirty minute dream spot.  If you know this will empty the account, and you are content with that, then when life starts and you are starting from scratch financially, it’s not fair for either of you to complain.

 Nevertheless, here we are married now so what next?  The most important thing about marriage is two becoming “one”.  Whether it be the two of you starting fresh, or anew with a second marriage, both people must understand and be willing to submit totally to one another.  This is where we have the challenge.  The man and the woman must submit to God and to one another in order to have a marriage that is great and the way God created it to be.  When we say “I Do”, there is no more “I” unless “I” is admitting or apologizing for something “I” did.  

He is no longer a single man answering to no one and She is no longer an independent woman.  So many people hang on to who they were and what they used to do out of fear that they will lose their identity including last names for ladies if it doesn’t work.  So now we are sometimes in a marriage living as two roommates with a marriage license, with all the benefits and no idea how to maximize them for the potential it has.  When we get married, our bodies no longer belong to ourselves, but our spouse.  We are not to withhold sex from one another especially for manipulation or a means of leverage.  

When we get married, it is no longer your kids or their kids but it’s our kids from day one or there is a huge problem.  No one should ever marry someone without loving any children they already have as their very own and never making a difference.  When we get married, it is no longer your family and my family but our family.  Your parents become theirs, and theirs become yours, whether they like you or not and you should give respect out of love for your spouse and not according to your fragile feelings of contempt.  There is no my niece and your niece, but our niece or our relatives.  There are no step-children, just our children.  There is no your house, my house, my car, my children, my life, your room, your bills, my bills but everything we do should be for the unity of our faith, family, finance and health.

 You cannot have a healthy, beautiful marriage by holding your self or your spouse at bay or a distance of what you think is safety.  Fear and selfishness is poison to a marriage and should not be there ever.  These are the foundations for problems in a relationship along with lack of respect.  You should never set out to start, make, or keep a problem in your life or the lives of those you live and deal with.  Let love be your guide and reason for all you do.  Don’t let selfish motives and pettiness or fear keep you in bondage and cause you to miss out on a great marriage life.

 Love is the answer to all things, if you will allow it to live in and lead you in the right direction.  Love never fails, and is the most powerful source in the world.  God is Love, and He wants you to have a great marriage that makes others want that kind of love you share with your spouse.  Be at peace with yourself and all people, it’s a choice no matter who they may or may not be.  We should make the decision to become one “when we get married”! “Everything is about relationship, build them well”.

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© 2019 Harlon Bell.