We don’t have to bring up the divorce rate to know that couples are fighting about some things. They choose to turn and walk out of the relationship whether dating or married.  The question is, who are you fighting? When you started this relationship, it was all fun and fuzzy.  Then, there are those couples that go through all the ups and downs of life and never walk out on each other.  The verdict is, that some couples know what and whom they are fighting for while others do not.

Most arguments start from disagreements that are rooted in a selfish nature of one or both people in the relationship.  Yes, I’m talking about the “my way or no way” mindset.  When the dating first started, both people were so excited and no wrong was charged to the other.  Both people are so kind and polite as well as sharing and caring, so it seems.  This is the infatuation stage where we are showing our best side to the other person to win them over.  Where did the love go? https://www.gottman.com/blog/one-thing-couples-fight-about/

We all know those couples who fight about the wind blowing, and the other couples who made it through infidelity, bankruptcy, bad relatives and still stayed together.  The couples that stay may all have different reasons, some great and others not so much.  The couples who walk out did not take the time to turn back-to-back and fight for love.  To fight for love is to fight for each other not at each other.  When did we become enemies?  Aren’t we the same people who couldn’t get enough of each other and who couldn’t stand being away from one another?  We couldn’t wait for the next date or the next phone call or message.

It amazes me that people will show up to a job or go to certain places with total commitment that they have made no promise to, even when they don’t like the boss, the job, the pay, nor the hours etc.  These same people will continue to go to this job, or these places no matter how many times they’ve been let down, disrespected and mistreated.  Yet, when offended by each other, because now you don’t do what I like, when I like, the way I like it, I can’t tolerate you.  Now the same person you used to cherish is the person you can’t stand to be around.

Stop fighting each other and fight for and with each other to win the fight of love.  Yes, it takes a lot of fight to keep love strong and alive in your relationship.  Your feelings will go up and down and that is what causes most people to quit.  The people who stay, understand than love is not a feeling but a choice.  The choice is made to commit to love, honor, and cherish each other for life, even in the days when they don’t agree and don’t like each other at the moment.  Love always breaks down the walls that try to separate us or tear us apart.  

Stop fighting to hurt each other.  Stop fighting over money, jealousy, selfish motives and other things that you should be communicating about.  If you’re wasting time fighting about things that have simple solutions if you choose them, you both lose.  We only win if both of us win.  Love is one for all and all for one.  If you’d rather be right, then you will likely be the one who is fighting against your mate instead of fighting for them to keep away the things that come to test you.  If you come to complete and not to compete, your love will stand the test of time and you will have a wonderful life together.  You’re fighting to keep focus, trust, faithfulness, intimacy, laughter and everything that makes the two of you light up every time you see, experience, or think of each other.  Keep it forward and forgive quickly.  Don’t be the offense in your relationship or a liability, be the solution and the asset.  Remember, “everything is about relationship, build them well.  

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© 2019 Harlon Bell.