Trust is a major factor in a relationship that determines success or failure. When a person says, “I don’t trust you” and you have no idea why they feel this way, it could be that you are paying for the aftereffects of what another person did in the past. You may not have ever heard of what I’m about to say to you, but if you listen, you can make it through this turbulence in your relationship that is being plagued by trust issues.
When a person has been hurt, whether it be from childhood with a parent or lack thereof, or by a friend and especially a relationship in dating or marriage, where the person cheated, betrayed, or abandoned them, they could be suffering from severe trust issues. Did they tell you that they’ve been hurt before and who did it? If so, they may not understand that if they have not dealt with and forgiven the person(s) and themselves, that they are holding on to all the pain and bringing it forward into every relationship.
Pain from the past that is relived each day is because the person thinks that they need to hold onto it until the person(s) that hurt them realizes and pays for it in the way that they think they should, and they think this is some type of closure but there is no closure in punishing yourself while thinking you’re punishing them. They may never admit or own that they’ve hurt you. Forgiveness is to set you free from the bondage that you think you are holding them with. It sets you free to live and love without fear that the next person is the same as the one before.
It is not right, helpful or fair to bring the feelings, fear, hurt, and issues from your past into your future and expect a different and better result. That is insanity and you are only guaranteeing the failure of your relationships, because you have made it a failure in your mind before it started by living in and holding onto the past. You must let that person go and learn from it, forgive, and clear yourself before you try to enter another relationship that you will self-sabotage (destroy) because you’re still blinded by hurt and pain. Don’t do this to yourself or another person. They are not responsible for what happened to you, and you want them to be perfect and fix what the other person destroyed. This will not work.
A relationship cannot be successful when two people are not forgiving, open, honest and all in for one another withholding nothing from each other. You must be free and clear of all past baggage, or you will drop a weight on your new mate that they did not build up or have anything to do with. If they do anything that resembles anything the person(s) that hurt you did, you will immediately accuse, assume and charge them with the same crime without any actions or evidence of any wrongdoing. This is wrong and you are killing yourself, them, and any relationship you hope to build with them. You are in your own way and until you deal with what happened and learn to let it go and forgive, you will remain in your own prison and misery. Get a counselor or life coach and get beyond this wall so that you can have a successful relationship built on the trust that both of you deserve. “Everything is about relationship, build them well”.