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We enter the world of dating with many different mindsets and focuses on the endgame.  We all have different upbringings, understandings, and experiences that have shaped our lives to get us to the point where our perceptions are currently.  We have our own fears, strengths, weaknesses, and triggers.  Our personal perception of ourselves and how we think governs our actions as we live our daily lives and then how we interact with each other as we attempt to date.  The challenge is knowing how to do things the right way while not always understanding the dating rules of engagement.

The dating rules of engagement are the standards that both people involved in the courtship need to know in order to approach each other and be successful as the interaction continues to build.  The main reasons the courtship fails or ceases to be is because the two did not have a similar understanding of how to enter and build the relationship.  For example, if one of you just wanted to find someone to fill time with and the other person is looking for a soulmate for life.  Two people cannot build a strong relationship if both people are not in agreement to accomplish the same goal.

A person looking to fill time is still in play mode and is not serious enough to build a real relationship with.  If you meet this person and they are honest with you, then it is obvious that you should not pursue the relationship.  The problem is when we are not honest and give the person a clear understanding from which to decide.  You need to know yourself and what you desire before you attempt to interact with another person.  If you don’t know whom you are, then people can lead you in a way that is not where you want your life to go.  The most dangerous thing for a person is to be lost by themselves and then connect with another lost person or worse, a controlling person.

The first thing is to know yourself very well and what you want and desire for your life.  Know your goals and aspirations in every area of life from your faith beliefs, family, career, and whether you desire to have children etc.  Where do you hope to live?  These are the things that should come up in your discussions as you grow in relationship but should not all be discussed on first dates as you do not know anything about this person except what they are telling you but is not yet proven.  The main things to determine up front is what are your faith beliefs because if these do not match, there is no need to continue as this must not be ignored or disregarded.  To ignore this crucial element would be to start your courtship off on quicksand and blatant denial of something that will absolutely be a dealbreaker for the relationship.

What you absolutely need to know is what both of you are looking for, is it to build a real relationship or not looking for commitment at all.  Honesty is always key in getting off to the right start or determining if there is no reason to continue the conversation(s).  discuss what your life is like daily like what type of work you do and if that is what you will continue to do or is there a goal change in your career.  This helps a person see if you are stable or still trying to figure out your lane in life.  A person’s decisions and actions tell you critical information you need to know so that you can see clearly and decide if this is something you want to be a part of.  This may or may not be a dealbreaker depending on your ages.  

Your interactions should have nothing to do with physical, shallow, or sexual things.  There should be no touching on the beginning dates (you are not girlfriend and boyfriend yet, but interviewing), just conversations wherever you go or meet.  It should be all about filtering out whether the two of you match up and if the conversation should continue.  Most people ignore the obvious things that say no and keep going down a path that should have ended three conversations ago.  You may not like it or understand but neither of you will win or benefit from skipping to physical things while not even knowing each other.  People usually start here and then wonder why everything falls apart later.  Things fall apart because you built them on sex and not the real things in life that matter like the persons character and who they really are and where the two of you want to go and end up in life such as married with children.  The point is to take your time and be absolutely open and honest so that each of you can make clear decisions because you have the real information and not lies to trick you into someone’s life.  “Everything is about relationship, build them well”.

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