Communication is a principal key to having a successful relationship. When we are not confident, sure of our motives and feelings or not good at expressing ourselves, words can get in the way. When we don’t say what we mean and mean what we say with the actions to back it up, this would explain the many breakdowns in our relationships. There are many individuals and couples if shared with us, who could attest to the fact that when there is a lack of effective communication the relationship crumbles.
First, one must be clear in what they are saying and attempting to communicate to the other person. It should not feel like a tug of war to let the words derived from your feelings to flow out of your mouth. Why would this be a hard thing when you know exactly what you feel inside and whether that is good, or not so good? Your mate needs you to be honest or you are stealing from them the opportunity to give you an honest and appropriate response to correct the situation. If what you are saying is not what you need to get across to them, why is it that the words get in the way?
Secondly, one needs to be a great listener in order to hear what is being said as well as what’s not being said so that you can reply with the right questions for clarity or respond in proper context to what is being spoken and communicated. Some people talk with their eyes, hands, and body motions that carry a tone for what they want to say. When you listen well, the chance of getting it wrong are so much less than when you are waiting to respond to make your point. Stop waiting to speak and instead wait to listen and absorb and ponder. By the time people start discussing, debating, and arguing, neither has heard or understood what the other person is saying. We are fighting to defend our point to be right instead of getting an understanding.
The point is words carry the power of life and death (can build up or destroy) so use them wisely. What you say or refuse to say can and will be used for or against you in the success or failure of your relationship and you must take ownership for your responsibility in this. If you love someone, you need to speak it with absolute clarity and consistency with the actions to match. If you need to have clarity about something that has hurt, bothered or disturbed your mental and emotional peace, then you need to say that clearly to your mate. If you are very pleased with what is being said and done by your mate, they also need to know that consistently without having to ask you.
Whether you grew up being encouraged to express yourself or in a place where emotions were not openly expressed, you know the difference silence makes versus the sound of expressed love, affirmation, adoration, or pain and discomfort. We cannot hear what you think or what is inside of your heart the way we can when it is both in words and actions that are one and the same. This is the clarity and assurance that the people in your life need to know without a doubt. You are allowing whatever reason or place in your life where you thought it’s okay to not speak what you feel and know is a choice and it will hurt the relationship that you said you wanted to build. Communication is the vehicle that expresses the other actions and motives that we hope to translate to one another. When we are not talking and listening clearly, that means that the words are not clear, and we are becoming frustrated and confused as we allow our relationship to breakdown to the point of walking away all because we didn’t say what we need to say. “Everything is about relationship, build them well”.